The last two weeks have been hell.
I have way too many tabs open in my head at once.
Ideas. Situations. Relationships. Goals. Worries. Concerns.
My prayer recently has been for direction.
I moved around through life pretty aimlessly right after college.
I picked up and moved across the country twice in one year. I’ve taken countless opportunities in other states and cities to further my career, etc.
And I make no apologies at all. I was unmarried with no kids.
I mean I still am, but life [and bills] has a way of slowing you down. Just to ensure that you’re moving in the right direction and not solely on emotions.
I’ll still peace out of here at a moment’s notice, but now only when the Lord says it’s time.
That prayer isn’t just for my career though.
It includes relationships — both platonic and romantic.
I’ve got a guy who I’m totally obsessed with and makes me feel more than just a physical attraction toward him, something I haven’t felt in such a long time. For privacy purposes we’ll refer to him in this space as Mr. Big Stuff (which my friends are going to totally love). But even in that relationship I have to make sure that I don’t rush what God is doing. I’m praying for patience and understanding, especially since he’s a bit older and has lived so much more life than I have.
I have the same prayer in platonic relationships.
I’ve recently learned that any relationship that causes me to dim my light in order for theirs to shine bright [or ease their insecurities] is a relationship/connection not valuable to me.
It was literally my aha moment.
For years I inadvertently dimmed my natural light to please others.
I didn’t even realize I was doing it!
Now, though…chile, please.
I have a huge personality. I dress well. I have a cool job. I have an amazing support system. I’m likeable and I don’t hate myself when I look in the mirror.
There’s more that I could add but those are just examples of some of the affirmations I say daily.
It’s important to know yourself fully so that when unfavorable situations are presented you know how to firmly present who you are without making apologies for it.
And even still. With all that confidence I still can’t sleep.
Mr. Big Stuff says I need to cut off all electronics and rest my mind for at least 30 minutes before bed. Him so smart. And cute.
I agree. But even beyond all that I still need direction and I need to make good decisions. If for nothing else so I can sleep peacefully.
Anybody else have a hard time sleeping at night?